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REPORT: Millions Still In Fear Of Brilliance

HOLLYWOOD, CA—In a desperate report written solely to prove self-worth, an aspiring production company, Sublimely Elegant Films, has declared that millions of Americans still live in constant fear of brilliance. According to the document, this widespread idiocy causes thousands of people a day to ignore and bad-mouth content that they are too dull to comprehend. … Continue reading

“Oh Man, So Fake,” Accuses Brave Porn Commenter

TACOMA, WA–The porn industry was rocked this week by accusations from Youporn commenter sweet_sniffer, whose four small words, “Oh man, so fake,” have called into question the presupposed authenticity of our nation’s pornography. The inciting comment, posted last Wednesday under a video entitled “College Babe Fucks For Office Job,” has since generated hundreds of thousands … Continue reading

Locally Filmed Web Series Featured In Local Paper By Author Involved In Web Series

PROVIDENCE, RI—In a display of little patience or talent, a locally filmed web series became a shining example of the old saying, “It’s all about who you know,” by being featured in the local newspaper. This will not only promote the lackluster series, but also attract potential talent to become part of the abysmal videos. … Continue reading

God Confesses He Was Conceived By A Big Bang

HEAVEN—Coming forward with details pertaining to our existence—our Heavenly Father has revealed that He Himself did not in fact will Himself into being. Rather, He, who is the Creator of the Earth and everything in the known universe, was immaculately conceived during, “some sort of big bang.” “Yeah, I mean, I created all this shit … Continue reading

Video Guns Leading Cause Of Game Violence

DURHAM, NC—Researchers at Duke University released today the results of a decades-long study of the root cause of violence in games, and have conclusively proven that video guns are indeed the culprit. “It has long been suspected that video guns lead to game violence, but now we’ve actually confirmed it,” wrote lead researcher James Whitfield, … Continue reading

New Sports Video Games To Have Dynamic Stories About Why Ball Needs To Move

LOS ANGELES—As shocking announcements continue to pour out of the Electronic Entertainment Expo, or E3, EA Games has revealed an audacious new strategy for its traditional annual sports games line-up. At their press conference Monday afternoon, EA Games CEO Andrew Wilson spoke on behalf of the EA Sports division about this bold new innovation. “Traditionally, … Continue reading

Student Film Almost Like Real Film

GAINESVILLE, FL–Citing its “competent” cinematography, “above par” acting, and “mature handling of serious subject matter,” students from the University of Florida’s film department were proud to announce today that their new film is “almost like a real Hollywood movie.” “Our friend’s parents let us use their summer house for the whole weekend,” Darcy Jones, 20, … Continue reading

Leaked Godzilla 2 Info Alleges More Human Drama, Less Powerful Godzilla

HOLLYWOOD, CA—As Godzilla continues to dominate the box office—grossing a downright monstrous $93.2 million during its opening weekend alone—details about the inevitable sequel to the film have already begun emerging from the internet’s briny depths. Sources close to the production claim that the film will focus “much more on the human drama,” and will “take … Continue reading

Idiot Kid Laughing At Movie Has No Idea It Was Critically Panned

LANSING, MI—Local sources confirmed Tuesday evening that Billy Kilson, 6, was indeed seen laughing uproariously during the 7:00 p.m. showing of Legends of Oz: Dorothy’s Return. It also has been confirmed that Kilson had no idea that the recently released film was one of the most critically reviled in recent memory. “When that little dumbass … Continue reading

Jesus: “Dad, You Smell Like Scotch”

HEAVEN—Judging by his slurred speech, loosened inhibitions, and recent series of embarrassing public mishaps, our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, reportedly determined this week that His and Our Heavenly Father, God, has been “drinking a lot more than usual lately.” “I noticed Him watching Sam & Cat in the den,” said Jesus, whose ultimate sacrifice … Continue reading

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