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God Confesses He Was Conceived By A Big Bang

HEAVEN—Coming forward with details pertaining to our existence—our Heavenly Father has revealed that He Himself did not in fact will Himself into being. Rather, He, who is the Creator of the Earth and everything in the known universe, was immaculately conceived during, “some sort of big bang.” “Yeah, I mean, I created all this shit … Continue reading

Charlotte Leaders Unveil Giant Robot To Protect City

CHARLOTTE, NC—As the list of potential threats to our nation’s cities continues to grow—with terrorist activity, climate change, and political corruption all posing their own unique hazards—Mayor Clodfelter announced at a televised press conference Tuesday morning that his new proactive approach to city defense includes the “immediate and liberal use of a giant robot.” “As … Continue reading

Inside The Yam: We Give A Tour Of Our Reporter Factory

Greetings, dear readers! We here at The Yam pride ourselves on our reporting, and our award-winning articles and investigative journalism would be impossible without the hard work and dedication of our numerous reporters. While in the past we’ve been somewhat reluctant to reveal all of the secrets pertaining to the assembly and creation of our … Continue reading

4 of Nature’s Most Unlikely Animal Friendships

4.  Woodpecker and Tree   3. Tapeworm and Dog   2. Fish and WHAT THE FUCK?!   1. 

Cat Physicists Toy With String Theory

WASHINGTON—In an adorable yet groundbreaking development in the scientific community, four of the leading cat physicists have put aside their differences to meet together, in the name of progress, to play around with the abstract concept of String Theory. Skittles, Mocha, Rascal, and Oreo all graduated top of their class and have all received numerous … Continue reading

“It’s Hard to Find a Girl Who’s Into Analysis,” Reports Desperate Statistician

CAMBRIDGE, MA—Longtime studier of trends and collector of data, Floyd Dent, 37, revealed exclusively to The Yam his conclusive results regarding the overall desire the female sex has for “raw, dirty analysis.” Dent sat down with us to share the facts ascertained from research he’s been gathering since he was 16. “All the women I’ve … Continue reading

Jesus: “Dad, You Smell Like Scotch”

HEAVEN—Judging by his slurred speech, loosened inhibitions, and recent series of embarrassing public mishaps, our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, reportedly determined this week that His and Our Heavenly Father, God, has been “drinking a lot more than usual lately.” “I noticed Him watching Sam & Cat in the den,” said Jesus, whose ultimate sacrifice … Continue reading

Local Wizards Save Nessie Again

LAKE LOCH NESS, SCOTTISH HIGHLANDS— Ensuring the continued existence of our underwater ally, last week, local wizards prevented yet another attack against the legendary creature who we all suspect to exist. Explosives that were explaced placed at the bottom of the lake were yet another attempt by Japanese scientists to, “blow Nessie out of the … Continue reading

Local Breasts Emerge From Hibernation To Greet Spring

RICHMOND, VA–After a prolonged period of inactivity due to the unusually frigid temperatures that engulfed large portions of the nation this past winter, heaving female breasts are finally beginning to show themselves, sources reported Wednesday. “I’ve been looking forward to this day for quite some time,” says Scott Lario, 24, a local electronics store employee … Continue reading

God Announces Human Beings No Longer Made With 100% Human Meat

HEAVEN–Facing mounting pressure from the FDA, Our Almighty Creator, God, was forced to announce that human beings, His one and true perfect creation whom He so loved that He sent His only begotten Son to die on the cross for, are no longer composed entirely of human meat. “So what? I cut it with a … Continue reading

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