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Cars Cause Traffic Jam Watching Cars In Other Lane Causing Traffic Jam Watching Them

Cars Cause Traffic Jam Watching Cars In Other Lane Causing Traffic Jam Watching Them

REPORT: Millions Still In Fear Of Brilliance

HOLLYWOOD, CA—In a desperate report written solely to prove self-worth, an aspiring production company, Sublimely Elegant Films, has declared that millions of Americans still live in constant fear of brilliance. According to the document, this widespread idiocy causes thousands of people a day to ignore and bad-mouth content that they are too dull to comprehend. … Continue reading

“Oh Man, So Fake,” Accuses Brave Porn Commenter

TACOMA, WA–The porn industry was rocked this week by accusations from Youporn commenter sweet_sniffer, whose four small words, “Oh man, so fake,” have called into question the presupposed authenticity of our nation’s pornography. The inciting comment, posted last Wednesday under a video entitled “College Babe Fucks For Office Job,” has since generated hundreds of thousands … Continue reading

“History Tends To Repeat Itself,” Repeats Historian

CHARLOTTESVILLE, VA—Sources at the University of Virginia confirmed today that respected history professor, Dr. James Fernum, 64, gave his regular end-of-semester speech to his 3:00 MWF Introduction to American History class this morning. “Let us all remember that history tends to repeat itself,” the tenured professor passionately proclaimed in front of the singularly apathetic gathering … Continue reading

Introducing Two New Opinion-Based Yam Sub-Sites

CHARLOTTE, NC—Giving into the popularity of opinion-based news, The Yam is proud to debut its two new one-sided news outlets – The Yam for Assholes and The Yam for Pussies. The Yam is overjoyed to be able to finally pander to these two similar yet completely different demographics. We’ll give you the news however you … Continue reading

5 Lies Exchanged During Supermarket Transactions

1.  “Hi. How are you today?” Both parties will exchange lies during this question. No matter who raises the question first—both lie through their teeth. Neither cashier nor customer will let the other know how shitty their day is. The customer would be the only who is having a good day. The cashier’s day is … Continue reading

Locally Filmed Web Series Featured In Local Paper By Author Involved In Web Series

PROVIDENCE, RI—In a display of little patience or talent, a locally filmed web series became a shining example of the old saying, “It’s all about who you know,” by being featured in the local newspaper. This will not only promote the lackluster series, but also attract potential talent to become part of the abysmal videos. … Continue reading

Gettysburg Haunted By Still-Living Bodies Of People Who Didn’t Die There

GETTYSBURG, PA–With this July marking the 151st anniversary of the Battle of Gettysburg–a bloody encounter that resulted in an unfathomable number of casualties, as well as a number of injuries that, while fathomable, is still unpleasant to think about–residents living near the somber battlefield have reported a massive surge in normal activity. “It seems to … Continue reading

Charlotte Skyscraper Just Can’t Reach Cloud’s Itch

CHARLOTTE, NC—In a heartbreaking display of futility, miscommunication, and the disconnect between man’s creation and nature, meteorologists reported today that the Bank of America Corporate Center has been roundly unsuccessful in its attempts to scratch the lingering itch of a passing cloud. “I’ve been observing this fruitless dance for a few hours now, and the … Continue reading

Universities Recalling Thousands Of Defective Degrees

WASHINGTON, DC—With the death toll of hopes and dreams reaching almost a million, universities around the nation are now recalling over 400,000 college diplomas. In a statement released to the press, universities are claiming that a small flaw in the diploma’s abstract concept is causing the degree to lose its significance—thus leaving the graduate with … Continue reading

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