This tag is associated with 64 posts

Locally Filmed Web Series Featured In Local Paper By Author Involved In Web Series

PROVIDENCE, RI—In a display of little patience or talent, a locally filmed web series became a shining example of the old saying, “It’s all about who you know,” by being featured in the local newspaper. This will not only promote the lackluster series, but also attract potential talent to become part of the abysmal videos. … Continue reading

Gettysburg Haunted By Still-Living Bodies Of People Who Didn’t Die There

GETTYSBURG, PA–With this July marking the 151st anniversary of the Battle of Gettysburg–a bloody encounter that resulted in an unfathomable number of casualties, as well as a number of injuries that, while fathomable, is still unpleasant to think about–residents living near the somber battlefield have reported a massive surge in normal activity. “It seems to … Continue reading

Charlotte Skyscraper Just Can’t Reach Cloud’s Itch

CHARLOTTE, NC—In a heartbreaking display of futility, miscommunication, and the disconnect between man’s creation and nature, meteorologists reported today that the Bank of America Corporate Center has been roundly unsuccessful in its attempts to scratch the lingering itch of a passing cloud. “I’ve been observing this fruitless dance for a few hours now, and the … Continue reading

Universities Recalling Thousands Of Defective Degrees

WASHINGTON, DC—With the death toll of hopes and dreams reaching almost a million, universities around the nation are now recalling over 400,000 college diplomas. In a statement released to the press, universities are claiming that a small flaw in the diploma’s abstract concept is causing the degree to lose its significance—thus leaving the graduate with … Continue reading

Man Tries Everything He Can To Get Erection For America

SEATTLE, WA–Sources confirmed Thursday that local man James Williamson, 25, has tried everything he can to get an erection for America, but has been thoroughly unsuccessful in his attempts to rouse his groin from its slumber in a patriotic salute to the nation in which he was born. “I’ve read the entirety of the Declaration … Continue reading

5 Mind-blowingly Accurate Reasons Why You’ll Read This Amazing List

5. You fell for the puppy. Yes. The adorable puppy caught your eye while you were skimming the list and therefore clicked on it. No one can resist the cuteness of the adorable puppy. The puppy, however, is irrelevant to anything that has to do with this article. The puppy was simply there to trick … Continue reading

Jesus Gets Around To Finding Death Row Inmate

DALLAS, TX—While discussions about the morality and ethics of capital punishment continue to dominate public discourse, death row inmate Harry Scranton, 44, was given a  chance at eternal redemption as Jesus Christ found him exactly 31 minutes before his scheduled execution, officials reported Tuesday. Scranton, who has been in and out of prisons across the … Continue reading

Video Guns Leading Cause Of Game Violence

DURHAM, NC—Researchers at Duke University released today the results of a decades-long study of the root cause of violence in games, and have conclusively proven that video guns are indeed the culprit. “It has long been suspected that video guns lead to game violence, but now we’ve actually confirmed it,” wrote lead researcher James Whitfield, … Continue reading

‘Asshole Cut Me Off,’ Yells This Reporter Alone In Car

SOME ROAD, WHO CARES—In a fucking bullshit move by some asshole in a BMW, this reporter was forced to slam on the damn brakes to not hit that motherfucker in the dumb-ass BMW. The rich cocksucker reportedly has nowhere fucking important to be and just wants to make this reporter’s life that much worse. Immediately … Continue reading

Over 300 Million Americans Detained In America

AMERICA—As the number of American citizens being held by overseas governments increases on a daily basis—with Honduras and North Korea both announcing last week the capture of several American tourists—new reports have surfaced today that over 300 million Americans are currently being detained in America. The United States Census Bureau announced on its website Sunday … Continue reading


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